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faith Family hope

It Is Well

I’m sorry you cannot find it in your heart to forgive, and I am even more sorry that you find it difficult to fully accept when someone else does.. know that if there is one thing I am certain of, had things been the other way around – no matter how deep, no matter how many times, and no matter how bad, you will always have me. You can say I don’t know how hard it is, and I can only imagine the pain, the hurt and the betrayal felt… repeatedly. I trust that I will still be there. I am here. This could very well be misconstrued, there is a story behind everything. I hope you remember that.

If God forgives and continues to exist, why won’t I?

“So let go, my soul, and trust in Him”

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Family

Crossroads, again?

Am I too old to be in a crossroad? Exactly how many years or how many times can one person be at a crossroad in life?

I’m 27, and I think I have once again come to a point where I ask myself, what do I really want to do?

Quite oddly, I have no answer. I have been racking my brains out for the past two hours, thinking of an answer to hopefully aide me in planning my next steps beyond this Dubai adventure I am in.

I used to want to be a lawyer or a teacher. I could still pursue either, but do I really want that now? Maybe yes, but also, maybe no.

I have always had a dream of opening a clothing boutique. I used to do online selling and actual off-site selling and it did get me to places, but I stopped. Don’t ask me why but I just did, and I regret it. Do I still want to do it? Yes, but it’s scaring me as this is a huge risk and I’m not entirely sure where to start now with all the existing big names already. I don’t even design, Lord knows how awful I am at drawing! I just have a flair for what is nice and a love for making people feel good about themselves. That was the edge before. I have an opportunity to do it again now, however my location for a would – be boutique is not ideal, so I am quite skeptical.

I wanted to take Fashion School – they have a Marketing course and that can work for me, if I decide to pursue the clothing store. I also thought of enrolling in Fashion Styling and then use my connections to be someone’s stylist. Then I can also re-train and take more makeup classes. Costly!!! Hard work, but interesting enough.

I also think about applying in other countries… Asian perhaps, maybe those will work better since it’s nearer the Philippines and I can just come home anytime I wanted, with all the seat sales and whatnot. It still seems like a pretty good idea, maybe I will try and explore to see if I get anything and then try? But that also leads me away from another thing I want to do:

I want to come home. Home, to my homeland and be with my family. I will be frank in saying that I enjoy being on my own, although constantly in check with my family, I still enjoy the independence and the freedom that comes with being far. I mean, working here in Dubai does have its rewards and setbacks, and it can get really tiring especially knowing that you really wouldn’t stay here for good. I love the city, but I do not want to grow old here. I want to be with my family to help out in our businesses and of course, we’re too family oriented to even be apart, but after being away for about 2 years now, I cannot fully imagine what it’s going to be like being under my parents’ watch again, having to report to them every so often, explaining where I want to go or who I will be with. Eek.

Oh, and another thought came to me when I was asking myself about two hours back about wanting a dance / fitness studio. That’s interesting but the money involved, not even talking about just the investment required but the profit is just not tempting enough for it to be the next adventure.

Then I started looking at probably taking higher education, get a Master’s degree or something, but on what? Marketing? Events (do they even have that)? Another possibility, but also costly.

Or maybe I could stick to what I do now and put together an events organizing team. I have friends in the industry who are just so good it’s crazy – maybe we can do those together. That will be lucrative, given the talent of the people I work with!

I have a lot of ideas in my head and I am just too confused to even plan something. It can get so frustrating to want to do a lot of things and then wake up again the next day realizing you haven’t started anything – heck not even decide on anything just yet. I envy those who are brave enough to actually say what they want and leave everything behind and just do it.

For now, I will pray. I will pray for a clearer mind and a stronger self, to leave what isn’t working for me behind and begin to do something worthwhile in my life. I’m 27!!!!!

 

 

Categories
Family

On Independence

It’s late and I have nothing on my plate. Tonight is one of those rare nights where I got to go out and have a good laugh.

Now i’m back to my daily stupor.

I chose to work away from home for the obvious reason of being able to earn more, and hopefully be able to save. One thing I know though is that I will eternally be missing my family back home.

Things will probably be better if I had someone here whom I can just talk to any time of the day, or someone to share silly days with. People see a different side of me everyday, but heck go ahead and spend days with me and you’ll get to see. After all, when the day has passed and you have no one, it tends to become really lonely… Ah, utter freedom.

Independence is a word people often take for granted. Sometimes people wish for so much independence and regret once it comes to them. We are often caught off guard and more often than not, go crazy.

It’s a wonderful thing but sometimes it can also be nasty. I guess it all depends on your values and on how stable you are with yourself. Faith, and resistance are two really valuable things. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to remain grounded otherwise we tend to hurt people we leave behind.

Being alone in a foreign country is hard. I have always been independent, but right now, I wish I weren’t. I miss home.

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